A foolish fat bear waved to me~

Reminiscing those days...

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The post that never got to see the world

This is what happens when you neglect your blog and suddenly feel like blogging again.
So... I know that I haven't been blogging for a while but I didn't realise that it had gotten so damn long. I have to apologise for this extreme level of procrastination that I allowed to happen.
A few minutes ago, I reread my post from October 2015 and got some inspiration to blog.
Once I entered my blog space, I saw this draft that I entered a year ago (2016, hah!) and... I don't know where to start explaining/ updating.

At the beginning of 2016, I dated a friend (I probably shouldn't have). He made me believe in love again but not without consequences. Our relationship was quite under the rocks though he was a person who wasn't shy in public. Because of him, I became inspired to do the best with my life. I remember being very driven to become stronger for my sports team and it was a period of time when I did my physical training exercises regularly at home. He was someone whom I could confide in on all the shit and crap I faced on a daily basis. After our catch-up sessions, we ended up motivating each other consistently through the obstacles in life, and in turn, we grew closer and started dating. The post below was about him and somehow, I didn't manage to post it up then.

"A year ago I was telling you how I longed for the feeling of excitement, nervousness and butterflies in my stomach and a year later, I surprised myself by entering a new relationship (at least that's what I think I got myself into but my close guy friend tells me that it isn't set in stone until the guy asks the official question but I swear, it feels mutual to me). I feel like I've transformed back to the little girl that I once was, smiling to myself about how lucky I am whenever I looked at him, giggling about the unexpected things he did for me and falling uncontrollably for the daring and nonsensical way he acted. Every human craves to feel special in someone's eyes and that's how he made me feel virtually and in real life. It had been so long since someone bothered to come up with funky ideas and add little surprises in my life so these little surprises appeared so major and significant to me. Before I knew it, I started to depend on him for the little spurt of courage at the beginning of every new day and I'd look forward to reading the "Happy day, Winnie!" texts at midnight."

Yeah... Unfortunately (or fortunately), I ain't together with the him that I described up here.
I don't really know what went wrong and some people might say that I got dumped. (Yeah, pathetic little me... self -pity *rolls eyes*) He is a person who thinks a lot and way too deeply for his age and I feel that he realised something in our relationship that I didn't know about and he made the decision on his own to distant himself from me. He also had other commitments at that time and was spending way too much time with those commitments. I... tried my best to understand what he was doing and at the same time, tried to show that I supported his decisions but to be honest, I kinda felt neglected and hurt. Perhaps I wasn't honest about those feelings or maybe he couldn't accept a part of me. The me, some time after this unrevealed blog post, was, in fact, quite depressed and super confused. It felt like I was hanging onto a rope by the cliff. He periodically pulled the rope to get me up but suddenly, he left me dangling and told me that he'd return.

We drifted and from then on, the last few times we actually met up felt like a goodbye forever. Why do I say that? There was this look in his eyes that I remember not being able to read.
He faded away as mysteriously as how he entered my life.
Yes, I do feel upset about how insignificant I became, how he closed back up after I thought he was ready to open his feelings to me and for the simple fact that we can never be the same again.
I can't deny that I was deeply hurt, especially because I thought I found the kind of the love I was looking for and this setback reinforced the weak mentality I mentioned at the end of the post in October 2015. This led to me channelling a lot of my energy into my studies and friends afterwards.

The two of us were never in a relationship that we felt obliged to contribute regularly to (romantically or not) and it originated from a desire to encourage and motivate. Perhaps somewhere in between, we cared more than we originally should and got caught up in each other's life. But fate has spoken and we are just not meant to be. It was an experience that nobody would wish for but I learned a bunch of lessons from this.

Phew.
Thank you, fate because I think this time (for real) I found the one.
Sappy but yes. I'll explain in a separate post. That was a hell load of explaining and reflection.
Cheers!

Labels: Frowns and attempted smiles

On Friday, February 10, 2017 at 12:02 PM

Layout by tues day night / Image from xo

Reminiscing those days...

RantsprofilFriendsjabbermémoires
Bienvenue Layout: Everything I ask for Best viewed: Mozilla Firefox Screen: 1280X800 This is my corner... If you're looking for trouble, please leave me alone...	The post that never got to see the world This is what happens when you neglect your blog and suddenly feel like blogging again. So... I know that I haven't been blogging for a while but I didn't realise that it had gotten so damn long. I have to apologise for this extreme level of procrastination that I allowed to happen. A few minutes ago, I reread my post from October 2015 and got some inspiration to blog. Once I entered my blog space, I saw this draft that I entered a year ago (2016, hah!) and... I don't know where to start explaining/ updating. At the beginning of 2016, I dated a friend (I probably shouldn't have). He made me believe in love again but not without consequences. Our relationship was quite under the rocks though he was a person who wasn't shy in public. Because of him, I became inspired to do the best with my life. I remember being very driven to become stronger for my sports team and it was a period of time when I did my physical training exercises regularly at home. He was someone whom I could confide in on all the shit and crap I faced on a daily basis. After our catch-up sessions, we ended up motivating each other consistently through the obstacles in life, and in turn, we grew closer and started dating. The post below was about him and somehow, I didn't manage to post it up then. "A year ago I was telling you how I longed for the feeling of excitement, nervousness and butterflies in my stomach and a year later, I surprised myself by entering a new relationship (at least that's what I think I got myself into but my close guy friend tells me that it isn't set in stone until the guy asks the official question but I swear, it feels mutual to me). I feel like I've transformed back to the little girl that I once was, smiling to myself about how lucky I am whenever I looked at him, giggling about the unexpected things he did for me and falling uncontrollably for the daring and nonsensical way he acted. Every human craves to feel special in someone's eyes and that's how he made me feel virtually and in real life. It had been so long since someone bothered to come up with funky ideas and add little surprises in my life so these little surprises appeared so major and significant to me. Before I knew it, I started to depend on him for the little spurt of courage at the beginning of every new day and I'd look forward to reading the "Happy day, Winnie!" texts at midnight." Yeah... Unfortunately (or fortunately), I ain't together with the him that I described up here. I don't really know what went wrong and some people might say that I got dumped. (Yeah, pathetic little me... self -pity rolls eyes) He is a person who thinks a lot and way too deeply for his age and I feel that he realised something in our relationship that I didn't know about and he made the decision on his own to distant himself from me. He also had other commitments at that time and was spending way too much time with those commitments. I... tried my best to understand what he was doing and at the same time, tried to show that I supported his decisions but to be honest, I kinda felt neglected and hurt. Perhaps I wasn't honest about those feelings or maybe he couldn't accept a part of me. The me, some time after this unrevealed blog post, was, in fact, quite depressed and super confused. It felt like I was hanging onto a rope by the cliff. He periodically pulled the rope to get me up but suddenly, he left me dangling and told me that he'd return. We drifted and from then on, the last few times we actually met up felt like a goodbye forever. Why do I say that? There was this look in his eyes that I remember not being able to read. He faded away as mysteriously as how he entered my life. Yes, I do feel upset about how insignificant I became, how he closed back up after I thought he was ready to open his feelings to me and for the simple fact that we can never be the same again. I can't deny that I was deeply hurt, especially because I thought I found the kind of the love I was looking for and this setback reinforced the weak mentality I mentioned at the end of the post in October 2015. This led to me channelling a lot of my energy into my studies and friends afterwards. The two of us were never in a relationship that we felt obliged to contribute regularly to (romantically or not) and it originated from a desire to encourage and motivate. Perhaps somewhere in between, we cared more than we originally should and got caught up in each other's life. But fate has spoken and we are just not meant to be. It was an experience that nobody would wish for but I learned a bunch of lessons from this. Phew. Thank you, fate because I think this time (for real) I found the one. Sappy but yes. I'll explain in a separate post. That was a hell load of explaining and reflection. Cheers! Labels: Frowns and attempted smiles On Friday, February 10, 2017 at 12:02 PM	About me Just a random, average short girl who believes that life is a disaster in disguise as a blessing... Worrying has become a habit but anime will always remain engraved in my mind. =] Currently addicted to spacing out... And... Sleep is prioritised as number 1! People know me as Winnie. And I have roamed the Earth for 15 years. It all began on 14th September 1995...	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