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Reminiscing those days...

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Ambiguous relationships and fears

Everyone has a different method of keeping themselves in check to know if they are mentally, emotionally, physically or even spiritually well.
Since a long time back, I developed the habit of talking to myself as a form of reflective behaviour. This habit of mine is obviously only carried out when I'm alone because I need the quietness and privacy to think out loud.
Most of the time, I do it because I have too much on my mind and my head gets really crowded with thoughts. During those moments, it becomes really difficult to concentrate on the tasks I have on hand and even when I'm studying, the troubles on my mind invade my thinking space and my mind drifts off.
I wouldn't deny that I am a person with a considerably short attention span. Although I know that I have assignments to complete and chapters to study, I cannot help but fiddle with my phone repeatedly throughout the study session. Despite the fact that I stay at my study area for long hours, I probably wouldn't really complete much. For example, I can take up to 3 days with each day spending 3 hours in order to complete an essay assignment.
Originally, I would use my regular attendance at tchoukball practices as an excuse to procrastinate. But now that the major competition for my team's over, I've lost that excuse and somehow became more determined than ever to do well for my academics. But of course, the great determination has met with much struggles because I dislike studying so much.

While talking to myself recently, I realised a correction for one of the thoughts I had quite some time back and I felt that I wanted to write it out to have a better sense of clarity. So here I am, sharing with you more of what goes through in my mind.

On a particular day, I was reflecting on the topic of love. (Probably inspired by korean drama or PDA on the streets) Why do people think that love is complicated? Do I think that it is? After a while, I convinced myself that love is, actually, simple. I would decide to get together with another person for the simple fact that he likes me and I like him back. As long as the liking is mutual, there's no harm in starting a relationship and trying to make it work out.

However, recently, I feel that the point is valid but it isn't that simple after all because the degree of liking matters. If you only like the person a little bit a.k.a. interested in him/her, then you probably shouldn't be so hasty to get into a relationship. On the other hand, if you like the person so much that you're willing to accept every part of him/her and do everything in your ability to make him/her happy then, you can consider getting into one. But even so, the divide between the degrees of liking can be really subjective and ambiguous. How do we know if we really really really like a person? Are we just liking him/her because of companionship (ie just because the person happened to be around to show concern and care) ? Do we like the person for who he/she is (ie their personality, voice, body) ?

Questions like these are difficult to answer because when we like someone, we can't differentiate what kind of liking we have towards the person; we just like the person. Between close friends, we can sometimes easily confirm with ourselves who are the ones we would never get into a relationship with. But it's those ambiguous ones that we have problems with because we can imagine the possibility of being together with that person.

Personally, I feel quite worried because ever since my first relationship ended, I realised that I don't feel the same level of excitement, nervousness, butterflies anymore. Could it be that I became more protective of my feelings or was it simply because I haven't met the right person yet? Then I start to wonder if the problem wasn't with who I get together with but rather, in myself. Are my expectations too high? (influenced by drama and movies) What kind of relationship am I exactly looking for? When will I experience the fluttery feelings of being in love again?

I feel that I'm a person who wants to be affectionate with someone I really care about but I am really worried that my relationship will end up the same way like the ones that ended. This inner conflict makes me think that love is quite complicated after all. I wish I could erase my memories and start all over with love yet at the same time, I am who I am today because of my past experiences. People might like the way I am now but if any part of me changes, then people might not like the different me.

One thing that I know for sure is that life is too short to endure through anything that makes us sad for a long time.

For now, let's continue to do the things we enjoy and live life happily, without regrets!

Labels: Smilez and frowns everyday..

On Saturday, October 3, 2015 at 3:49 PM

Layout by tues day night / Image from xo

Reminiscing those days...

RantsprofilFriendsjabbermémoires
Bienvenue Layout: Everything I ask for Best viewed: Mozilla Firefox Screen: 1280X800 This is my corner... If you're looking for trouble, please leave me alone...	Ambiguous relationships and fears Everyone has a different method of keeping themselves in check to know if they are mentally, emotionally, physically or even spiritually well. Since a long time back, I developed the habit of talking to myself as a form of reflective behaviour. This habit of mine is obviously only carried out when I'm alone because I need the quietness and privacy to think out loud. Most of the time, I do it because I have too much on my mind and my head gets really crowded with thoughts. During those moments, it becomes really difficult to concentrate on the tasks I have on hand and even when I'm studying, the troubles on my mind invade my thinking space and my mind drifts off. I wouldn't deny that I am a person with a considerably short attention span. Although I know that I have assignments to complete and chapters to study, I cannot help but fiddle with my phone repeatedly throughout the study session. Despite the fact that I stay at my study area for long hours, I probably wouldn't really complete much. For example, I can take up to 3 days with each day spending 3 hours in order to complete an essay assignment. Originally, I would use my regular attendance at tchoukball practices as an excuse to procrastinate. But now that the major competition for my team's over, I've lost that excuse and somehow became more determined than ever to do well for my academics. But of course, the great determination has met with much struggles because I dislike studying so much. While talking to myself recently, I realised a correction for one of the thoughts I had quite some time back and I felt that I wanted to write it out to have a better sense of clarity. So here I am, sharing with you more of what goes through in my mind. On a particular day, I was reflecting on the topic of love. (Probably inspired by korean drama or PDA on the streets) Why do people think that love is complicated? Do I think that it is? After a while, I convinced myself that love is, actually, simple. I would decide to get together with another person for the simple fact that he likes me and I like him back. As long as the liking is mutual, there's no harm in starting a relationship and trying to make it work out. However, recently, I feel that the point is valid but it isn't that simple after all because the degree of liking matters. If you only like the person a little bit a.k.a. interested in him/her, then you probably shouldn't be so hasty to get into a relationship. On the other hand, if you like the person so much that you're willing to accept every part of him/her and do everything in your ability to make him/her happy then, you can consider getting into one. But even so, the divide between the degrees of liking can be really subjective and ambiguous. How do we know if we really really really like a person? Are we just liking him/her because of companionship (ie just because the person happened to be around to show concern and care) ? Do we like the person for who he/she is (ie their personality, voice, body) ? Questions like these are difficult to answer because when we like someone, we can't differentiate what kind of liking we have towards the person; we just like the person. Between close friends, we can sometimes easily confirm with ourselves who are the ones we would never get into a relationship with. But it's those ambiguous ones that we have problems with because we can imagine the possibility of being together with that person. Personally, I feel quite worried because ever since my first relationship ended, I realised that I don't feel the same level of excitement, nervousness, butterflies anymore. Could it be that I became more protective of my feelings or was it simply because I haven't met the right person yet? Then I start to wonder if the problem wasn't with who I get together with but rather, in myself. Are my expectations too high? (influenced by drama and movies) What kind of relationship am I exactly looking for? When will I experience the fluttery feelings of being in love again? I feel that I'm a person who wants to be affectionate with someone I really care about but I am really worried that my relationship will end up the same way like the ones that ended. This inner conflict makes me think that love is quite complicated after all. I wish I could erase my memories and start all over with love yet at the same time, I am who I am today because of my past experiences. People might like the way I am now but if any part of me changes, then people might not like the different me. One thing that I know for sure is that life is too short to endure through anything that makes us sad for a long time. For now, let's continue to do the things we enjoy and live life happily, without regrets! Labels: Smilez and frowns everyday.. On Saturday, October 3, 2015 at 3:49 PM	About me Just a random, average short girl who believes that life is a disaster in disguise as a blessing... Worrying has become a habit but anime will always remain engraved in my mind. =] Currently addicted to spacing out... And... Sleep is prioritised as number 1! People know me as Winnie. And I have roamed the Earth for 15 years. It all began on 14th September 1995...	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