A foolish fat bear waved to me~

Reminiscing those days...

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Bienvenue Layout: Everything I ask for Best viewed: Mozilla Firefox Screen: 1280X800 This is my corner... If you're looking for trouble, please leave me alone...	Ambiguous 'it's It keeps happening again and again. I'm starting to think that I'm the cause of the same scenarios that replay even when the characters change. There's must be something about me that triggers the cycle. Perhaps I'm overly sensitive, awkward or irrational. It's not them, it's just me... pathetic me. Do I deserve all these? Maybe it's the creator's way of telling me "no". Time and time again, throwing me into a whirlpool of feelings. Maybe that's why after it ended, I couldn't exactly feel the same level of happiness as I did before. Is it my unconscious mind's way of protecting myself? I'm still looking for that happiness... I thought it would be simple but here I am, treating this as a complicated matter. If I want to go the easy way, it isn't going to end pretty. I don't want to destroy what I've worked so hard for this whole time. Initially, I didn't give it much thought and I regretted. Yet over time, after giving my best effort, I found myself sinking in deeper to an extent that's unimaginable and horribly embarrassing. I thought I was heading in the right direction. That's why I feel like I can't let go now. But a part of me says that maybe it isn't the time yet. That there's something missing and everything's not right. Second chances aren't what they're called if you keep finding excuses, Winnie. It shows how unwilling you are to bottle back up. Dragging it might cause more pain in the future but I know you don't want to risk missing the opportunity of everything turning out fine afterwards. Is that what you are waiting for? Desperate for the calm after the storm. But will it come? I wish I can say for sure that I'm lying to myself but who am I to judge the truth from the lies when I can't even make sense of my own heart. Labels: frowns everyday... On Saturday, July 4, 2015 at 11:33 PM stop, just stop. With regards to public displays of affection (PDA), everybody has their own opinions and attitude. Some people suggest that a certain degree of PDA is acceptable and "cute" while others feel uncomfortable witnessing PDA. I have heard from friends and seen on twitter about my friends' experiences on witnessing PDA and I wouldn't deny the fact that some people can be really bold in public. Personally, I'm not a supporter of PDA. I feel that intimate feelings and actions between a couple should not be presented to others who do not belong in the relationship. It is something that is personal and private to the individuals. Especially when there are so many children and elderly who make up the public. I would feel extremely apologetic and embarrassed if my grandparents or parents have to witness an intimate moment I have with my partner. It comes off as a disrespectful action to the elders around us. Most of the time, I wonder if the couples would still manage their PDA infront of their parents and friends. Considering the amount of time I spend on public transport everyday, observing daily occurrences like these has become a hobby. Random moments on the train when I feel the urge to note down my thoughts. Labels: frowns everyday... On Monday, August 25, 2014 at 7:32 PM Probably the most random post yet. They always say that you should experience new things and try doing many things you haven't tried before. Well, I think I've just spent the past 20 minutes being a fool. So there I was watching a video of Zoella helping his brother do makeup on his face. I remembered that when my brother and I used to be so much younger, I played with his face, did makeup for him and had so much fun. I went to my mum's room and found the lipstick I used to put on when I was young during my stage performances. Those were nasty memories, I swear. Firstly cause I have a habit of licking my lips and biting them so I really hated putting on lipstick. Secondly, lipstick has this particular weird smell that I dislike so so so much. Lastly, on all the occasions when I had to put lipstick on, they lasted so long that when I remove my lipstick, I end up with cracky lips. I have no idea what went through my mind as I picked up my mum's only lipstick and started smearing them all over my lips. That's perfectly normal. (lying to myself) That's what a girl would do when she's alone at home with nobody to judge her. Yes. ... OMG, WHY THE HELL AM I SO WEIRD?! Totally regretted it. THE SMELL OH THE SMEEEEELLLLL of lipstick. -_-!!! I don't understand why lipsticks smell and taste so weird. So yeah, weird things I do at home when I'm alone. yay (?) Can someone please invent edible, tasty and nice smelling lipsticks, please? Labels: frowns everyday... On Wednesday, August 6, 2014 at 1:04 PM The two things I really wanna do well in aint working out... Whaaaat? It's April already?! How many scripted weeks of tiring school did I endure through? Not forgetting the fact that I "survived" a crazy Block test period and wasted so many Tchouk trainings since this year began... Life is so tiring! I don't even have free time to stop and reflect about the stuff I do everyday! Well except now... When I've just came back from a hctchouk dinner and bathed and sprawled on my bed waiting for my hair to dry before I can sleep... Hahaha! As the title suggests, I am pretty frustrated about life again... Wait no... I have always been frustrated about life... Well, Winnie might in fact become increasingly vulgar because of the crap life throws at her... Today is such a depressing day... I know that I put in effort for my studies and my BTs especially... But the results that I receive are like SHIT. No joke. I'm so upset by it but I didn't want to affect the people around me... So upset because I have nobody I can turn to to rant and nobody who can help me get out of this mess... I don't understand why and I just feel so stupid... Why is it that other people can do it but I can't!! _____ Nowadays the disappointment just keeps building up... I really suck at hiding my emotions actually. They say if you're really a good sportsperson, you wouldn't mix your emotions into your game. But damn, I let my emotions get the better of me... Now, I suck in studies and I suck in Tchouk... Feeling so sucky... ARGH! Always tend to be so distracted cause I have so much thoughts in my head bothering me constantly... What makes it so much worse is when I'm down, everything irritates me... I really dislike it when people judge others even though they themselves make the same mistake or aren't that good in the first place! Seriously man, talk so much. Especially during game, I would definitely appreciate if the people at the side whisper softly... Total distraction sia... Cheering can luh but wth man, commenting loudly? Are y'all trying to destroy somebody's self esteem? There's so much expectations to perform and so much tension involved because people just keep comparing and it feels as if there's some competition involved. Somehow, I feel so uncomfortable nowadays during training. It's as though there is some kind of internal struggle in our team... Some people are just openly unhappy with some people and of course there is some background unhappiness with the ways things are handled... Sian. It's so uncomfortable.. :( GAH! So much pent up troubles... I love Tchouk and I want to enjoy playing it like how I used to. I don't want to care about anything else when I play... I want to feel the passion and concentration from everyone. _____ 放轻松，玩巧固球吧~ (Published via phone on 12/4/2013) Labels: frowns everyday... On Saturday, April 13, 2013 at 2:03 PM Burnt out on the first day of school Back from the holidays but I don't feel rejuvenated at all. The whole holidays was spent on commitments, slogging out holiday homework and the remaining on "relax time" which pretty much didn't have much effect. Well, after the first day of school the meaning of holidays finally struck me hard. During those days, teachers expect us to complete our holiday assignments, finish revising all the topics taught in C1, finish their tutorial questions which the lecture given was somewhat rushed out before holidays started and prepare for all the tests bombarding oneself in the first week. Hooray. Wtf man. I feel damn freaking stressed out on the first night after the first day of school because I didn't manage to meet all their expectations and tried to relax. Owing homework forever sucks. So many ppl cannot finish all these. Why are there so many expectations and work?! If we cant finish why insist?? MY BRAIN IS DEAD. YESSSS. I don't even know what I'm saying. BRAIN OVERLOAD! maybe you would say that we have to be more mentally strong but why can we do if we just can't cope?! The work just keep freaking coming and I'm really just so freaking stupid. I need time to give quality thought and to give quality answers! at least I tried and if I didn't, I wouldn't have completed 90% of my Holiday homework. But hell no, this is freaking not enough. I'm already such a pessimistic person trying so darn hard to be optimistic. I feel so tired. There you have it. Ranting in the middle of the night when I have a Chem test to revise, a math holiday homework chapter to do, a chem planning Dk what, maclaurin tutorial, bio tutorial and only two tests on Wednesday. Yippee. At this point, my eyes are burnin but I feel much better after ranting. LOLZ Labels: frowns everyday... On Monday, January 7, 2013 at 11:17 PM This bear feels so tired... From the time the June holidays started till this time, I feel that I have changed quite a bit with regards to my mindset. What is the change? What happened that made me feel this way? Am I mad? Well, to the last question, most certainly not... I hope. Maybe it's nothing really big, maybe it's just another phase in my life journey. Perhaps this is going to help with how I deal with the next few years of my life positively or perhaps this change is going to make me hit rock bottom. heh. Let me think... What did I do since the beginning of holidays? Hmm, I got addicted to watching running man and thereafter addicted to secret garden. Both which I havent finish watching yet. I know that before the holidays started, I already dislike the thought of studying... But somehow, I found myself reaching a point of total lack of discipline. Regardless of how much I dislike studying, I would always end up finishing my tutorials and revising for tests but never have I felt so negative about studies. I've gained so much admiration for the actors and actresses I watch on running man and secret garden. For running man, it's just pure enjoyment for the thought that this group of friends gather on every monday to have fun together amidst their hectic schedules. They are so capable of balancing their workload! It appears to me like they are enjoying life. When watching secret garden, I cant help but constantly become awed and impressed by hyun bin's acting. I thought, this man acts for a living and i'm sure he loves acting. Through his acting, I feel his passion for his job. I feel so glad he is doing something he likes! I am so envious and full of admiration for people who are living their lives, doing best at what they have passion for. I want to be like them. That's why I end up comparing my life with theirs, making myself feel so bitter. I ain't doing something I like at this stage of my life and i dont think I am fully enjoying what I like doing. I like playing Tchoukball... But I feel like I am being held back by studies... And another thing, I'm not good at tchoukball. We should have a goal to work towards to, that's what many people always tell me. When you know the end, you'll head straight towards it, unwavered. Problem is, I can't find a reason for myself as to why I should study so hard for Alevels... GAH... When teachers ask, I hear many classmates around me exclaiming happily that they want to be doctors etc. But for me, I've never really envisioned myself with a steadfast and firm decision of being anyone. It seems to me like I am tired of studying, tired by the thought, tired by the fact that I am studying so that I can study more in the future to go university, tired that I need to study cause I am a student. I remember when I was in Primary school, I loved maths to an extent that I wanted so badly to know as many formulas as possible and solve EVERY single question to get 100 marks which seemed so possible to achieve. Learning was tiring but not dreadful... But deep down, I know all those that I claim I admire did not get to where they are today without hardwork. They too, went through loads of studies. Well, most of them, I guess. The cruel fact is, this harsh period of time is unavoidable. Everyone has to go through it. What can I do? Perhaps I don't need a reason to study. I just have to. It is theoretically right to study when I think about meritocracy in Singapore. But well technically, I don't want to be a doctor, a minister or even the president so I don't really need to have those requirements... I'm sure I'll look stupid if I ever graduate from university or get a doctorate but deciding to become a waitress, a hawker or simply just anything below what is expected. Haha, I know I ain't that good at expressing myself at all. And everything I've mentioned above may seem so confusing and crazy. But that's all I'm feeling in my heart... So troubled that I need to write it out for myself to see. Alright, so what do I plan to do after all this madness? I suppose that my dreams and my aspirations will sooner or later pop in my head. Maybe I would still want to pursue being a psychologist, maybe I would want to be a lawyer... who knows... the future is so unpredictable. I should just study now and get that opportunity before I consider right? I. dont. know. I think in the future when I read this post that I compose with so much confusion within myself, I might find it unnecessary or foolish. But hey future me, i didn't expect myself to be like this. HAHA... I think I end up talking aload to myself nowadays... Labels: frowns everyday... On Sunday, June 10, 2012 at 1:03 AM Trying to figure all this out on my own... Recently I keep seeing those small but selfish things happening around me and I feel quite upset which made me start wondering if I had been selfish to such an extent I irritate others before... Sometimes I really feel so tired of life... :( I want to be a happy person and it's not like I am not trying... SIGH............................... Labels: frowns everyday... On Tuesday, May 15, 2012 at 6:30 PM Somebody, anybody but I dont want everybody... Today, I tried out something that I would not normally try... Well, I didn't really volunteered and it was my senior who managed to persuade me but... nontetheless, I tried it out on my own accord. HAHAHA.. Can you believe that a shorty like me would try out high jump during the heats? :O Dramatic but yeah, and even more surprisingly, I have seemingly gotten a third placing... HAHA! For jumping over a pole with the height of 110cm... :O Today's my first time ever trying out high jump o.o It is... actually kinda fun BUT, difficult! The pole was something that you'd definitely not want to hit because it is so solid! My ribs knocked against it and wow, it is hard. HAHAHA. Well, it may seem like a pretty average thing but for me, it was such an achievement! Winnie actually managed to high jump! :O (hidden talent ?) I know nobody else really gives a damn about what I feel happy about and what I do but for this moment, I feel like a primary school kid who has gotten her first full marks for spelling. The kind of emotions of wanting to let someone know, of wanting to share the happiness and to be able to do so without the weird stares... These emotions have been suppressed for so long... Yippee, it was awesome to see my mum's genuine smile of encouragement and for once in a long while, I feel that I've successfully made her proud. Seeing her smile gave me recognition and the image of her foolish looking smile makes me happy~ At times like this, how I wish we were still talking... How I wish I'd be able to tell you what I've been doing all the while... In the first place, I wonder if you really still cared... Maybe you have put everything about this down already and moved on... I miss how it used to be when we were everything in each other's lives. But I know I have no rights because I was the one who told you to stop... I don't want you to read this but I can't help myself but vent my frustrations here. But now is not the time yet... I need to find that courage, my courage. And before I find it, I am going to let everything remain this way because at this a exact time, my mind is as confused as my heart... DEEP SIGH... I was thinking about you, thinking about me, thinking about us, what we gonna be.. Open my eyes... It was only just a dream... Labels: frowns everyday... On Saturday, May 5, 2012 at 12:31 AM Unnecessary care...? I don't hate but I dislike it when something happens to anybody close and I am totally clueless... It sucks when helplessness comes in... Regardless of whether it's a happy or depressing happening, I, as a friend, would like to know... Perhaps you are lazy to send the details, perhaps you expect us to know what's happening to you, perhaps you don't want us to worry... But what's with a fb post. It's like what mr tan said last time.... Just kinda sad... Ignore me... :/ Labels: frowns everyday... On Wednesday, March 21, 2012 at 9:15 AM opposite me... warning. emo content. skip because i have your interest at heart. _____ amath is a f B.I.T.C.H. wait... we can also say amath BITCH. (burn innocent teenagers crying (in) hell) normally I would be here chirping to you how happy my day was but not today... I don't want to say much. I don't feel like speaking much. screwed family. screwed academics. what am i living for. _____ anyway, i guess i am the only one feeling this way at this exact moment. ignore me please. thanks. i'll be fine... once i fall asleep. so miserable i want to feel pain instead...heh. Labels: frowns everyday... On Saturday, October 29, 2011 at 9:48 PM Can't stop tearing... T_T "They will just take moeny out from your medisave to buy this enhancer thingy!" There went me trying very hard to explain calmly to my father what my mother was actually telling him. Sigh... Sitting in a car with my mama and papa fighting makes me want to cry my heart out... Sometimes I wonder why can't they just each take a step back and be understanding towards each other... It really depresses me when they talk about death, especially in this case where this medical insurance of some wort is involved... Truthfully, i am scared. I have no idea why my father has become so uptight about his cash to a point he shakes his head everytime we request for something that needs money, even before we can even explain what it's about... Maybe I am still a clueless child who doesn't know the adult world but all these insurance and what not are just so confusing that even my father refuses and objects violently from believing. Why must every meal now be like a battle field? Okay, maybe not that exaggerating... But I feel like we're just staring at each other and tolerating all the nonsense that conjures up... 1. I don't want to die so early... I am scared of death all of a sudden... My mama said that when you're old, there's no way to escape the hospital bed all your life... I worry how I will cope when any of my family lies on that sickening bed... What would i do... 2. I don't want to be an adult... Why is the world so complicated? :( I am scared... I don't want to fight with my future husband about all these craziness! Can I stay a child? I don't want to be exposed to SO much decision and uncertainties.. (now i know how to answer my prelim2 oral) 3. Am I trying to escape from responsibility if I say point 1 and 2? Am I selfish if I feel that way...? What should I be feeling? Sigh... This is... life...? Labels: frowns everyday... On Sunday, August 14, 2011 at 7:55 PM Creator played me At times, I feel as if I am one of the victims of depression. Many little gestures or incidents upset me. Maybe it's all just my fault for thinking too much, I've always thought. Today, I felt inexistent. I've felt it many times before but due to a trigger event, I've once again experienced this sudden undesirable emptiness within. Have you ever waved happily to a teacher and gotten a cold or no response? I don't think we were that unfamiliar before. Unfamiliar to the extent that you've seen me yet choose to ignore me. It's quite depressing as if I mean nothing in your life and waving back or a simple smile would be a waste of time; as if your muscles were never meant for such useless and unworth acts. Perhaps it was because you were tired or busy but just to let you know, it hurt my heart. HAHA. Yeah, my puny, insignificant heart. I'd NEVER thought adults in your field would be capable of such acts, at least not till today. Before I knew it, the thoughts just invaded my mind. If I really sat down to think of it, I just feel like an insignificant being in this world. Are humans really this insincere? I don't really have more than 2 or 3 juniors who wouldn't mind sitting with a boring person like me for lunch. At least not that I'd know of. And I doubt less than the number before would enjoy doing the latter. Even lesser or none for seniors I guess... Finally, it all boils down to me and my pathetic life. Yeap. Well, at least I still have my close friends, my bestie and my boyfriend to rely on. I don't know what I'd do without them. seiously. _____ ICT TEST. "exciting" according to Asstea. Holy mama. It was practically an unexpected frustrating test. It has shown and proven (I sound mathematic-ish) that I am a close-to-totally IT noob. HAHA! No joke. They claimed it would be a simple 5 question test. Who'd knew there'd be so many parts to every question. :O really, I was close to tears from laughter/agony... I cant really tell. The worst part is... today was just the exercise and next week's the real deal. Help. _____ Creator played me today. But I guess it must be lonely to be the only one who's holy... Labels: frowns everyday... On Wednesday, July 13, 2011 at 9:52 PM I cussed at the phone and threw it before I could even think... Sad. I don't want to hear the same sorry but I think i'm asking too much. fish. _____ I've made up my mind not to use com from tomorrow till after Prelims. I wanted to use it for the final time just now. My brother was so darn determined that he won't let me use the com. My mum, being unable to handle the situation, like always, claimed that neither of us will get to use it if nobody decides to let the other. Fine. Let him use lo. Everytime it's me letting him win. I have no idea why. Who cares anyway. All I need now is my textbooks, my worksheets, my wonderful homework pile plus the assessments and revisions to accompany me. Yeap. Not lonely at all. Perfectly fine, thank you. _____ You can't do anything and I bet you won't.I'm sad. Can you tell? Keep the drug (com) away from my mum and my bro! LOL Labels: frowns everyday... On Tuesday, April 19, 2011 at 10:36 PM Somebody please whack me... Whack me hard so that I can wake up... At times like this, I can't find any word that can express what I'm feeling. Damn. Today was... difficult. Shall start from the least to the most bothering thought. _____ I lack exercise. Yes. After a simple 5station training yesterday, my stomach muscles ache like.. Creator knows how pain. A random cough, a gentle laugh and a soft push sends billions of dinosaurs biting at the affected area around my hips. No joke. _____ I went for my president's judging today. let's just say it was unexpected. Found myself feeling SUPER inhumanly nervous when she stood at the end of the room. I don't know much about wushu. I practically don't know anything at all. I guess I don't really have any rights to say anything too. I felt that leaving her alone would be the best... I hate myself for not knowing what to say, not knowing what to do. Fish. I felt so freaking bad when I stood at the side witnessing her sudden change in look and stuff. The results were just too unexpected even for her I guess. The feeling of helplessness sucks. I was still stun when she left the hall. Chased after her, didn't really know where she went then I heard that she was upstairs. Saw her busy. Could tell how she was actually feeling. Actually I can't. I'm not her. I wanted to call out to her and hug her and stuff but I thought what if i did that, would she feel worse? I really didn't know what to do. I felt so lost. There stood my friend, hiding all her emotions behind that strong looking face of hers and I just didn't know what to do. How to make it better. The overwhelming feeling forced tears out. Never in my life had I feel so strong for results. Results that were not even mine to begin with. I hate myself. _____ There I was feeling super overwhelmed and just wanting to let everything out. For the first time, I spent an entire 12 ride awake, holding in. Blinking hard looking straight into the fluffy clouds in the sky, wishing for... After sending a text to president, i stun at my seat, not knowing if what i did was right. Looked down, see screensaver, felt like my efforts of looking at sky was almost wasted. I wanted to question everything. Why was the world created? So many things flashed through my mind, so many thoughts just flood in, taking over the initial occupant. You know, I still believe and I don't want to let this go... How to be understanding when I don't bloodily understand any freaking thing. That's it. Shall not write anymore things about this on my blog. Such things keep inside my heart can liao....... Too painful to write out and tear all over again. _____ Amongst all these, I'm still telling myself there are people worst off than me. I can't believe myself o_o''' Labels: frowns everyday... On Tuesday, April 12, 2011 at 7:39 PM It has to start from deep down in that empty heart of yours... Think... are you enjoying what you're doing? Post 200 dedicated to *band~* Had the combine band thingy for the entire of today. SUPER SUPER tiring but, fun in a way ba. Experienced a mixture of feelings again. Heard the high quality of bands that were aiming for gold. Actually, I feel that if we compare standard, we're currently struggling to get silver. D: At a certain moment in the afternoon, I felt a total lost and hopelessness that I didn't think I'd get. I was that close to giving up. Got to control my temper. Close to letting the monster within me out... I almost vent all the frustration onto a single person. sorry, though I know that person would never read this. It was a sudden overwhelming anger that took control of me. Lucky i stopped myself from continuing... If not I guess I'd lashed everything out a poor person. HX said I was scary and sorta or rather shocked and scared her. o_o and I was thinking "woah, with my current stupid retarded hair cut can I even look scary?!" Damn, now I look like some idiot and totally no power. -.-''' what act also very difficult liao. You know, SYF is like around 18 days away and we only have 6 goddamn practices. I cannot believe how slack everyone is... No rahrah at all... T_T When the timing friday's prac was revealed to be 8-3, I heard a few 'wth's... fish them nia. BANDS ALL AROUND THE WORLD ARE STAYING EVERYDAY, GOING ALL OUT LIAO... We already so slack still unhappy with this and that. Damn the freaking culture of current generation students. this is already considered the tip of the ice berg, only little hardwork compared to other bands and complaining liao. WTH lar. So many fishing people come for band for the sake of coming and CCA points. Just by having these few blackies will pull down the entire band. Especially if you're playing an instrument where you're exposed, play with vigor ma. Look so sian and tired won't solve anything. Even if you hate the conductor and whatever crap, at least love the music, love what you're doing. " Everytime I think that I'll be leaving my flute after SYF, it breaks my heart literally. I have totally no idea how I'd survive the days to O levels without my flute... T_T " Next, sectionals. If you know you freakingly can't play that part liao yet you don't want come to practise. WHY?! Purposely want to embarrass yourself? It's so obvious to every band member when popcorn picks you out and makes you play individually. Yeah, I can't play that well at least I know my technical parts and I'm still trying to make my ugly sound nicer right? I BRING MY FLUTE HOME LEH. If you want to complain about the weight, please go rape yourself. Walao, SYF coming liao leh. Can't you sacrifice that bit? It's just like when you have a test or examination coming, you will definitely study right? ANd then you'll have to sacrifice your television or computer time ma... Yeah, my flute is light so I have no rights or whatsoever to force anyone else to bring their instruments home but considering the number of times I see my flute at home, I think it's fair if you bring it home and practise for the next 2weeks. Back to the topic sentence. sectionals. Sectionals with other sections can prove to be purposeful. seriously. For example, Xh and I had sectionals with Zhaoyan and Huangxue. We now know what they play at different parts and even help them out. I'm sure we all learnt something new from that sectionals. Please lar, I beg you all lar, PRACTISE YOUR PART CAN? DONT SOUND LIKE POOPOO CAN? I don't know about you guys but I really want to go all out for this band that changed me in a way or another. I want the future generations to all feel this positive change like me. So, I'm willing to go all out as long as anyone teach me how to. If the leaders hold a one week camp all about band, i'll go. If the leaders want us to stay till 9pm for band, I'll stay. If the leaders want to use my Sundays, by all means take it. Band is my life now. I swear. _____ I can't stand people who complain about the issues that shouldn't even occur in their puny minds. I didn't find anything wrong with the meal provided today. It was free. There was rice. Chicken, hot dog and egg. What else more you want?! Abalone? Bird nests? Stop freakingly complaining. damn. It is edible and can't you just appreciate what the teachers have done to provide the food? You have food. Some people in other countries don't. They die. Sorry, maybe I'm just some retarded ah that like your so-called 'disgusting food' but this is just my opinion... -.-''' I'm just saying what goes through my brain. You read this so what? Are you blaming me for your reading of my blog [which apparently shouldn't be that easy to find]...? Conclusion : you're some lucky fool who needs to be banished to hell if you do not find fault in your attitude. Change before you reach a stage where nothing will help you. Know your music, Believe in your peers who are fighting along side plus your conductor who will bring you to BIG TREE (victory) and LOVE what you're doing and you fight for... I heart band. no joke. Labels: frowns everyday... On Saturday, March 19, 2011 at 8:17 PM It has to start from deep down in that empty heart of yours... Think... are you enjoying what you're doing? Post 200 dedicated to *band~* Had the combine band thingy for the entire of today. SUPER SUPER tiring but, fun in a way ba. Experienced a mixture of feelings again. Heard the high quality of bands that were aiming for gold. Actually, I feel that if we compare standard, we're currently struggling to get silver. D: At a certain moment in the afternoon, I felt a total lost and hopelessness that I didn't think I'd get. I was that close to giving up. Got to control my temper. Close to letting the monster within me out... I almost vent all the frustration onto a single person. sorry, though I know that person would never read this. It was a sudden overwhelming anger that took control of me. Lucky i stopped myself from continuing... If not I guess I'd lashed everything out a poor person. HX said I was scary and sorta or rather shocked and scared her. o_o and I was thinking "woah, with my current stupid retarded hair cut can I even look scary?!" Damn, now I look like some idiot and totally no power. -.-''' what act also very difficult liao. You know, SYF is like around 18 days away and we only have 6 goddamn practices. I cannot believe how slack everyone is... No rahrah at all... T_T When the timing friday's prac was revealed to be 8-3, I heard a few 'wth's... fish them nia. BANDS ALL AROUND THE WORLD ARE STAYING EVERYDAY, GOING ALL OUT LIAO... We already so slack still unhappy with this and that. Damn the freaking culture of current generation students. this is already considered the tip of the ice berg, only little hardwork compared to other bands and complaining liao. WTH lar. So many fishing people come for band for the sake of coming and CCA points. Just by having these few blackies will pull down the entire band. Especially if you're playing an instrument where you're exposed, play with vigor ma. Look so sian and tired won't solve anything. Even if you hate the conductor and whatever crap, at least love the music, love what you're doing. " Everytime I think that I'll be leaving my flute after SYF, it breaks my heart literally. I have totally no idea how I'd survive the days to O levels without my flute... T_T " Next, sectionals. If you know you freakingly can't play that part liao yet you don't want come to practise. WHY?! Purposely want to embarrass yourself? It's so obvious to every band member when popcorn picks you out and makes you play individually. Yeah, I can't play that well at least I know my technical parts and I'm still trying to make my ugly sound nicer right? I BRING MY FLUTE HOME LEH. If you want to complain about the weight, please go rape yourself. Walao, SYF coming liao leh. Can't you sacrifice that bit? It's just like when you have a test or examination coming, you will definitely study right? ANd then you'll have to sacrifice your television or computer time ma... Yeah, my flute is light so I have no rights or whatsoever to force anyone else to bring their instruments home but considering the number of times I see my flute at home, I think it's fair if you bring it home and practise for the next 2weeks. Back to the topic sentence. sectionals. Sectionals with other sections can prove to be purposeful. seriously. For example, Xh and I had sectionals with Zhaoyan and Huangxue. We now know what they play at different parts and even help them out. I'm sure we all learnt something new from that sectionals. Please lar, I beg you all lar, PRACTISE YOUR PART CAN? DONT SOUND LIKE POOPOO CAN? I don't know about you guys but I really want to go all out for this band that changed me in a way or another. I want the future generations to all feel this positive change like me. So, I'm willing to go all out as long as anyone teach me how to. If the leaders hold a one week camp all about band, i'll go. If the leaders want us to stay till 9pm for band, I'll stay. If the leaders want to use my Sundays, by all means take it. Band is my life now. I swear. _____ I can't stand people who complain about the issues that shouldn't even occur in their puny minds. I didn't find anything wrong with the meal provided today. It was free. There was rice. Chicken, hot dog and egg. What else more you want?! Abalone? Bird nests? Stop freakingly complaining. damn. It is edible and can't you just appreciate what the teachers have done to provide the food? You have food. Some people in other countries don't. They die. Sorry, maybe I'm just some retarded ah that like your so-called 'disgusting food' but this is just my opinion... -.-''' I'm just saying what goes through my brain. You read this so what? Are you blaming me for your reading of my blog [which apparently shouldn't be that easy to find]...? Conclusion : you're some lucky fool who needs to be banished to hell if you do not find fault in your attitude. Change before you reach a stage where nothing will help you. Know your music, Believe in your peers who are fighting along side plus your conductor who will bring you to BIG TREE (victory) and LOVE what you're doing and you fight for... I heart band. no joke. Labels: frowns everyday... at 8:17 PM Tears are so freaking inevitable when it comes to band. damn. 9 practices left... damn. One of those times that i feel super super useless. Why in lala's world do I exist in the world for?! As a goddamn librarian and comm member, I feel like I'm about to see the downfall of my band. Fish sia. What kind of band member am I... SIGH. It's like I know that the situation's like this but feel like I totally never do anything to help... Very sad. When you start thinking how everything started from this batch. How everything is like that when you're actually in a position of power. Why am i like this.. T_T I really dont want to see the band dying as the seniors leave... I don't want to 'wash my hands' from band even after I step down. I DON"T WANT TO LEAVE WHEN BAND'S IN THIS STATE. It sucks to actually hear seniors say things like "there's a comm?!" hmm, yeah, not that i don't agree. Just that it feels super depressing to know it's associated to not playing a part, not being responsible. It feels even sadder when I get this feeling that the band is treated like a 'hobby' sort of thing. You improve good lo, you don't then help yourself lo. Next practice same thing. Like nobody treats it seriously. EH, THE FREAKING SYF COMPETITION IS LIKE 3WEEKS AWAY! fish lar. why everybody so relax, some morons still discussing when pon when dont pon. FISH LAR! Band leh. Every single bloody member is counted! We work as a team! We can't do without any player!! Cause everyone has a part which they are responsible for! Walao... Sometimes, I just wish everyone can see this in many other people's perspective. Being emo and depressed about this matter isn't going to help. HENCE, i will try my best from this second. Hopefully my crappy and crazy suggestions will work... I swear that from next practice onwards, crazy ideas will be implemented. I keep hearing aload of 'can one's lately... Thank you'all x^infinite actually, I feel the sudden thirst to overpower... Labels: frowns everyday... On Saturday, March 12, 2011 at 10:18 PM alone in the rain with a red umbrella walked a girl named winnie... SIGH. Not a very good way to start a post but well that's how i'm feeling now... close to depression actually. A mixture of fear and sadness, definitely not something you want to experience. Today, as I sat in the grand audi staring at the people and the names appearing on screen, i can't help but start thinking of so many things... Today, we received our Olevel chinese result back. Xeap. No joke, the first paper of the many. I was expecting a A2/B3 but when Domokun actually said our whole class all As, I didn't know why but I had this sudden hope that I'll get A1. All I know is that when I received the slip and took a look, I couldn't feel anything. "Sigh. Winnie, not here, not now." Was what ran through my mind so many times when I was in the grand audi. I'm not sure if it was because of the effect but I just felt super sian from then onwards. Never felt so sian before. I tried my very best to distract myself by working hard for the straw and egg game but afterthat, I felt that wave of emptiness... _____ When I entered the lift, I was trying very hard to hold it in... Entered my house quietly as I realised that my mum and brother were both busy with the computer and slipped into my room. Closed the door behind me and cried. Sometimes I really feel like punching myself. Why the hell have I turned so weak?! Then I thought again. It really is very difficult when you sit there with a higher expectation. Everyone around you is getting A1 and fishball noodle soup you're getting a bloody A2. Hence, I can never ever get 10A1s liao. Then you'll be wondering why am I so kisiao, get so sensitive over a stupid chinese result. Well, that's not the main point lar... I can freakingly totally imagine myself sitting alone in BN emo-ing when everyone else goes on stage after their names show up on screen. I'm scared, so scared. I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I'm a stupid poo poo that nobody cares about... How... _____ "A crazy storm cloud hovered above Tampines street 32. Who would have known that in such a rainy weather, there walked a black figure of a girl so stealthily so lonely. She held a bright red umbrella firmly in her right hand and that was the only colour that anyone could've seen on her. The girl's eyes were empty, her face was expressionless and the heart which used to beat a lively tempo throughout her entire body faded away. She was soulless. Holding a bag of Chilli flavoured potato chips, the girl walked slowly and without hesitation through the ankle deep puddles that had formed on the pedestrian road she was walking on to get home from a shop two bus-stops away. The cold waters could have frozen anyone upon touch but she was numb, too numb to feel anything else other than fear. Her worst nightmare has awoken yet again. A black and emo aura emitted from her entire body as if to warn the drivers in the car to watch out when she crossed the road without looking. She didn't care anymore. Why should she? All the encouragements the girl received are just words that won't really hold a single meaning unless the receiver believes. Right now, she doesn't and apparently won't ever will till tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. " If you ask me if I'm okay today, I'll tell you sincerely, I'm not... But I assure you that when tomorrow comes, I will be alright... Promise... Labels: frowns everyday... On Monday, January 10, 2011 at 9:11 PM Waiting outside the lines... I keep thinking what did I do wrong... I don't understand yet I'm totally helpless... Am I just to wait? Don't I deserve an explanation? Can't you see I'm forcing my smile? I'M TIRED. HOW CAN I REACH THE TOP? Teach me...? Labels: frowns everyday... On Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 8:32 PM I ask many questions for your many answers... EOYs...dreadful times... It sucks when you get questions that you dont know how to do... Your mind is a blank and when you hand it up, you're like thinking : "There it goes, I never want it back again...T_T" But of course, you'd get it back within a week... Another dreadful part... I used to wonder why is it that primary school I am able to answer 98% of the questions in the examinations. Well, now I know, cause last time I only had 5subject to concentrate on and now I have 9. Everything seemed so easy to understand then but now, I have a question for ALL the answers. When it comes to secondary school life, it all boils down to pure memory work. Sometimes I find myself not even understanding what I'm memorising, I just know, it has to be memorised because somehow, it's important. Don't you think so? o.o When it comes to exams, there are so many things to do... I don't know where to begin and sometimes, I don't know how to. But you just know you have to at least read through the textbooks and understand a little. Well, if you want to argue that exams are not pure memory work, I beg to differ. Many a times when you're having a tests or an exam, you understand the whole thing perfectly just that you're not someone who has a huge vocab or a very good way of expressing. Teachers always mark you down because they do not see the KEY WORD. Yeah. So children are obliged to do memory work to paly safe. SIGH. I wonder why our brains so far has only worked up to a few percentage. WHAT IS HOLDING IT BACK? WHY?!?!?! And why do some people get to use more of their brain power than others. Is that fair? haha... I don't know. Life is a mystery. What is the purpose of a human in the world? Movies often state that one has to fulfil his or her prophecy... *What's my prophecy...?* Labels: frowns everyday... On Sunday, September 26, 2010 at 1:40 PM	About me Just a random, average short girl who believes that life is a disaster in disguise as a blessing... Worrying has become a habit but anime will always remain engraved in my mind. =] Currently addicted to spacing out... And... Sleep is prioritised as number 1! People know me as Winnie. And I have roamed the Earth for 15 years. It all began on 14th September 1995...	Affiliates 2BN 6C FLUTE Amelia Boon See Celine Celeste Cherie Cheryl Cheng Cheng Crystal Denise the LOUD one Eanxiang Estee Gloria Firzanah Hui Cong Jeanette Jia Ai Jia Xin Jillian Jing Wei Jing Ye Ka Wing Keith Lee Hwee Tan Winnie Xin Hui Xue Qi Vincent Vivian Yu Li Yun Jin	Shout out <a href="http://www6.shoutmix.com/?wangw10">View shoutbox</a>	By title Ambiguous 'it's stop, just stop. Probably the most random post yet. The two things I really wanna do well in aint working out... Burnt out on the first day of school This bear feels so tired... Trying to figure all this out on my own... Somebody, anybody but I dont want everybody... Unnecessary care...? opposite me... Can't stop tearing... T_T Creator played me I cussed at the phone and threw it before I could even think... Somebody please whack me... Whack me hard so that I can wake up... It has to start from deep down in that empty heart of yours... Think... are you enjoying what you're doing? It has to start from deep down in that empty heart of yours... Think... are you enjoying what you're doing? Tears are so freaking inevitable when it comes to band. damn. alone in the rain with a red umbrella walked a girl named winnie... Waiting outside the lines... I ask many questions for your many answers... 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